Brianna Ellen Randall Fraser MacKenzie (chale) wrote in mercuryfur,
Brianna Ellen Randall Fraser MacKenzie
chale
mercuryfur

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Okay, first post here! woot. :o)
Here's something that I've been batting around. It started as a negotiation that I just had to write down and get it out of my head... recently, I haven't had much inspiration for it. So I thought I'd share it and see what y'all think. :o)

-Tammers, Deven's Ambitious Freak

Title: "Once Upon A Time" (working title)
Author: chale
Brief synopsis: Matt and Alexis are best friends and roommates. A little "Will & Grace"-ish. Negotiation over the book "Wicked" by Gregory Maguire.


SETTING
A moderately upscale apartment in Queens, NY. There is a kitchen stage left with a table and two chairs, a couch and tv center stage, tall shelves directly behind the couch and a large overstuffed armchair with a blanket draped over it. There are two doors onstage. One is upstage left, by the kitchen, and the other is upstage right, past the armchair.

TIME
Evening, Present.


Matt and Alexis are sitting on a couch in front of a television. She is sitting with her legs across his lap and flipping the channels with the remote. He has a TV guide that he is looking through.

ALEXIS
There’s nothing on tv.

MATT
Duh.

She flips through the channels.

MATT
Ooo, stop. Go back a little.

ALEXIS
What?

MATT
The “Intimate Portrait of Britney Spears.”


ALEXIS
You’ve got to be kidding.

MATT
Pure shock factor.

The most recent Britney song/video plays. They look at each other.

ALEXIS
It’s official. They’ve run out of intimate people.

MATT
Indeed. This thing is going to be our demise.

ALEXIS
(Stands and tosses the remote at him)
Yours, not mine, darling.

MATT
(Takes the remote and turns it off)
Well, not anymore at least.

ALEXIS
(Goes to kitchen to get book and water bottle)
I think I’m gonna read tonight instead of watching that garbage.

MATT
Unless you’re reading garbage.

ALEXIS
Funny.

MATT
No, really. What are you planning on reading?

She shows him the book.

ALEXIS
Wicked.

He grabs it from her and sits on the table. She stays in the kitchen and looks for sometime to eat.

MATT
Again? Isn’t this is like the 7th time you’ve read it?

ALEXIS
I like the book.

MATT
The dude wrote other stuff.

ALEXIS
Yeah, but nothing I like.

MATT
You don’t like it or you don’t understand it?

ALEXIS
I don’t like it.

MATT
Sure.

ALEXIS
Who could trudge through “Mirror, Mirror”? Too much exposition.

MATT
You read, like, half of the first chapter and then put it back on the shelf. I got through it in 3 days.

ALEXIS
So you’re proving that you like to read books with the consistency of-

MATT
(Interrupting)
K-Y jelly?

ALEXIS
I was thinking maple syrup.

MATT
It’s not like it was a theological text. You’re only reading Wicked because it has to do with The Wizard of Oz. Oh, wait. I’m sorry, your highness…you’re only “reading” the parts that have Prince what’s-his-name…the prince of the winkies…

ALEXIS
(Reaches for the book, he pulls it away)
Fiyero, prince of the Arjikis.

MATT
Mhmm.

ALEXIS
I’m not the only one in this room that enjoys that character.

MATT
At least I didn’t read his sections of the book over and over again.

ALEXIS
Oh right. I forgot that you’re so much better than me since you like to read maple syrup.

MATT
Aren’t you supposed to ego-identify with the lead character- the wicked witch of the west?

ALEXIS
Her name is Elphaba.
(Pronounced EL-fa-ba)

MATT
Same person.

ALEXIS
She has a name. Use it.

MATT
She has like 5 names. Elphaba, Fabala, Elphie, Fae, Auntie… Wicked Witch… Who cares if I call her the wicked witch of the west or Elphaba?

ALEXIS
I care. Use the full name.

MATT
Oh…maybe you do ego-identify with her after all… She’s so “misunderstood” and not really “wicked.” That explains the Fiyero worship.

ALEXIS
(She reaches for the book and he puts it high over his head)
Ass.

MATT
(Sits on the couch)
You would know… you stared at it for a full year.

ALEXIS
I am not discussing our past right now. Just give me the friggin’ book.
(Hands her the book)
Thank you.
(She sits in an overstuffed armchair and he crosses behind her and looks over her shoulder)
What are you doing?

MATT
Are you starting at the beginning?

ALEXIS
Where else do you start?

MATT
(Pulls the book out of her hands)
Wow. This is interesting.

ALEXIS
Give it back.

MATT
(Flipping through the pages)
Look at those illustrations.
(Shows her the graphic of Fiyero)
Wow. Dark skin… blue diamonds… He’s good looking.

ALEXIS
A picture’s worth a thousand words.

MATT
Ah, but those thousand words…
(Back to book)
Wow. Steamy.

ALEXIS
Just give me the damn book.

MATT
Hm…maybe, maybe not.

ALEXIS
It’s not fair for you to stand here and tease me about a fictional character.

MATT
You know what they say.

ALEXIS
No, I don’t know what they say.

MATT
(Overlapping her last line a little)
Man is conceived in sin and born in corruption.

ALEXIS
Where the hell did that come from? It has nothing to do with Wicked.

MATT
Actually, it does if you think about it. Elphaba was the product of an affair between her mother and the Wizard… AND her mother hated her for not being a boy and for being green. She considered Elphaba a punishment for her sins.

ALEXIS
(Interrupting)
I don’t care what it means or what it’s from.

MATT
It’s from “All the King’s Men”… Robert Penn Warren…? If you would read something other than your fairy tale porn once in a while, you may run across it.

ALEXIS
I hate you.
(She heads to her room and slams the door)

MATT
You couldn’t live without me.

Alexis wiggles the door handle and bangs on the door—she’s locked herself in. Matt walks over and lets her out.

See?

ALEXIS
Shut up. Where the hell did that quote come from?

MATT
I told you. “All the King’s Men.”

ALEXIS
I’ve never seen any book with that title in this apartment and I’ve lived here for 5 years.

MATT
I read it back in college.

ALEXIS
The only book you read in college was “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.”

MATT
I read it in the summer.

ALEXIS
Give me a page number.

MATT
I don’t remember what page it was on.

ALEXIS
Where’d you get it then?

MATT
I got it from the library.

ALEXIS
You didn’t own a library card. You didn’t even know where the library was.

MATT
I stole someone’s card.

ALEXIS
Whose card?

MATT
I don’t remember. I threw it away.

ALEXIS
Then what is the book about?

MATT
A fictional politician rising to power in Louisiana.

ALEXIS
7-word description. You could’ve gotten that from the back cover.

MATT
At least I read the cover rather than looking at the pictures.

ALEXIS
It isn’t porn!

MATT
Porn, erotica, whatever.

ALEXIS
(Reaches for the book, he pulls it away)
It’s literature! It was made into a Broadway musical. You won’t find it in an adult bookstore on 12th and 39th.

MATT
Is there a reason you know where porn “heaven” is?

ALEXIS
Look, I’m tired. Just give me the book and let me indulge in whatever deluded fantasy I want.

MATT
You know, if you’re pulling out Broadway musicals as masturbatory material, you’re lonely.

ALEXIS
It’s not like I’ve got much of a romantic prospect here.

MATT
Darling, we talked about this 5 years ago.

ALEXIS
No, we didn’t talk about this 5 years ago. You dropped a bomb on me and changed my world. Mid orgasm if memory serves.

MATT
Oh…
(To self)
Bad gay man.

ALEXIS
Yes, bad gay man.

MATT
Okay. Let’s talk about this then.

ALEXIS
No, I’m tired.

MATT
I can’t know what’s up unless you tell me.

ALEXIS
Give me my book and leave me alone.

MATT
(Putting the book on the highest shelf)
Not yet.

ALEXIS
Ass.

MATT
Yes, I know.

ALEXIS
I can’t believe you just did that.

MATT
Well, believe it. I did.

She grabs a chair and starts to drag it to the shelf. He stops her and pulls the chair away from her.

MATT
You are not leaving this room with that book.

ALEXIS
I wouldn’t need that book if you hadn’t betrayed me!

MATT
Whoa.

ALEXIS
(Barreling through his line)
I wouldn’t need a fictional character if my best friend hadn’t thrown my entire world into upheaval.

MATT
(Inhales to say something)


ALEXIS
Stop right there. No more of your little fag gags. Do you know what every day has been like? Every day for the past 5 frickin’ years? I don’t know what I’m doing. Or why I even asked you to be my roommate. Your friends, dates... I don’t like them, and I’m sure that they don’t like me. I feel like the past 5 years I’ve been your trophy. And I’m tired of being the trophy fag hag. I mean, come on. You walk around here and tease me about my fantasies and quote political books at me, and I’m sick of it. I’m tired of this shit. So I identify with Fae, Elphie, Elphaba, whatever... so what if I like Yero-

MATT
Fiyero.

ALEXIS
Shut it. Every day I walk through that door, I don’t know if you’re going to drop another bomb on me. It’s sick to think that every day you don’t know if your best friend is hiding something from you. (Pause) You’re the reason I’m not in a relationship right now.

MATT
You’ve been waiting 5 years to tell me this?

ALEXIS
I haven’t been waiting 5 years for anything.

MATT
Thanks a lot for holding a 5-year grudge against me.

ALEXIS
How the hell was I supposed to say anything?! Between your friends, dates, I’ve been on the outside.

MATT
You’ve been my best friend for half of forever and you choose now to “let me know” that you’ve had a problem with my coming out of the closet.

ALEXIS
I’m tired of playing games… I’m tired of dancing around the sombrero instead of dancing on it.

MATT
But then you destroy the sombrero.

ALEXIS
Then destroy the fucking sombrero! What’s the next big bomb you’re going to drop on me?

MATT
There are no more “big bombs”! The only thing that might “change your world” is pregnancy or going back in the closet. And you know that neither is going to happen.

ALEXIS
You’re…you’re an ass.

MATT
(Princess Bride-Inigo Montoya accent)
You’ve called me that 3 times. I do not think it means what you think it means.

She kicks at anything nearby and turns away from Matt and the audience to scream.

MATT
You know what, I don’t wanna fight with you about this. God, it’s like we’re dating again.

ALEXIS
If we were dating, things would be a little more bearable.

MATT
Why? Because then we’d be in each other’s beds?

ALEXIS
No… well, yes. But that’s not the point. I want to feel attractive again. I’m tired of being the little green girl that everyone runs away from.

MATT
Everyone doesn’t run away from you. You are beautiful and witty... and you always put me in my place ...whether I like it or not.

ALEXIS
You can tell me all those things until the cows come home... keep saying those things. Come on.

MATT
Okay…

ALEXIS
I just… I don’t feel pretty or interesting anymore. Particularly when I’m with you.

MATT
How so?

ALEXIS
Before, when you were with me, I felt sexy. I felt good about myself. I liked it.

MATT
(More to himself than to her)
Because I was attracted to you.

ALEXIS
Yes! And when you dropped that bomb on me, it felt personal. Like, I was reason you were attracted to men.

MATT
Oh god… no. “You made my heart melt, Fae.” You were the only woman that ever did that.

ALEXIS
But I don’t have anything you want.

MATT
Oh. I’m so blind.
(Motions to her)
Come here.
(They sit and face each other on the couch.)

MATT
Sweetie, you are special. You were not conceived in sin and born in corruption. You are not Elphaba. You can always be my Fae, but let’s not be Elphaba. (Pause.) Why don’t we leave the fairy tale porn on the shelf for a while?

ALEXIS
“Yero, my hero.”
Silence. She curls up on the couch in his arms.

MATT
Do you remember in the book when Elphie moves to Kiamo Ko after Fiyero’s death?

ALEXIS
Yeah…?

MATT
She wanted to tell Sarima everything so she could be forgiven and Sarima didn’t want to hear any of it.

ALEXIS
(Sitting up)
Where is this synaptic misfire going?

MATT
She wanted to be told that Fiyero’s death wasn’t her fault… and it haunted her until she died.

ALEXIS
(Tries to curl up into his arms again)
It’s been hard to live with you and not jump into your arms.

A haunted silence.

He crosses from the couch to the table and sits in the chair facing her on the couch. He doesn’t speak until he’s sitting.


MATT
Maybe I should move out.

ALEXIS
No, I don’t think we need to go there.

Alexis gets up from the couch and crosses to the table and sits. She speaks as she moves.

Maybe I need a vacation. Time out of the city.

MATT
And away from me.

ALEXIS
I could spend the weekend upstate at my aunt’s cabin.

MATT
There’s always that cabin we rented back in college.

ALEXIS
Oh god. Wow. Yeah.

MATT
But would it stop you obsessing?

Alexis starts to speak and stops. She stares at him.

MATT
Maybe it’s time we separated. Maybe we should just be friends, not roommates.

ALEXIS
(Stumbling through her words)
No, no, no… I don’t wanna search for a new roommate. You know I despise the idea of living with a stranger. And what about all our stuff? It’ll take forever to separate. All the cds and furniture and other...stuff. Well, you could take the Boy George cds and I could take…

MATT
(Interrupts her and puts his hand over hers)
I don’t want to lose my best friend either.

She starts to cry.

MATT
I can start looking through the classifieds tomorrow.

(Pulls his chair closer and hugs her)

ALEXIS
The next big bomb…


Lights out.
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