Brief synopsis: Andrea and Nick find themselves having this same conversation at three different times in their lives.
Status: Complete. For the most part. There are a few things here and there that need to shined, but overall, it's "done." It was performed December 2003, to rave reviews. :)
This scene is played 3 different times.
Play the first scene a la "The Odd Couple."
Andrea and Nick are roommates. They do like each other, but will never outright say it-- they annoy each other instead.
Andrea enters from stage left with a book ("The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald, preferably). Nick is on the couch watching "The Emperor's New Groove."
A: (tapping fingers on the table and looking up at Nick) Excuse me...
N: (looking up at her) Yeah?
A: Can you turn that down?
N: It's not that loud, Andi.
A: I'm trying to study.
N: I can see that.
A: (crosses to the tv and turns it down) It's distracting.
N: (turns the set back up) So study in your room.
A: (the game of turning the set up and down continues) I was here first.
N: I don't care.
A: I have seniority.
N: Which means I win!
A: Fine! (she walks over to the table and slams her books closed. Then, she turns the stereo on the table on. "I Want You To Want Me" by Letters to Cleo plays.*)
N: Do you mind?
N: So it's going to be like that... (turns the tv up, and runs over to the desk and turns up his stereo. "Miserable" by Lit* plays. Andrea turns hers up louder.)
A: I hate you!
N: I hate you!
Offstage voice: Keep it down!
(Andrea turns her stereo off while Nick turns both the tv and his stereo off.)
N: Now, we're in trouble...
A: If you weren't so damn rude, maybe this wouldn't have happened.
N: Me? Rude? You've got some nerve.
A: Yes, and you're on the last one. Do you ever remember last night?
N: What--I came in late?
A: Your girlfriend called at 3 in the morning and wanted to talk...
A: Nick, you asked her to call you and then you fell asleep... this means i had to deal with her.
N: Oh,well... crap.
A: You do this every other night. I'm sick of it.
A: Yeah, my point in case.
N: What about the time you... you...
A: Have I ever done anything like this to you?
N: Yes! Uhm...
A: Other than just now.
N: I'm working on it.
A: You keep thinking about it.
(Andrea sits back down at the table and opens her book to read. Nick paces in the living room, making noises with his pen.)
A: Stop pacing and making that noise [with your pen]. I hate that!
A: Thank you.
(She goes back to reading and he sits down at the table and stares at her.)
A: Nick.. if you don't stop that, I'm going to hit you with this book.
N: I thought of it.
N: The day you moved in. (he gets up and goes back towards the couch.)
N: You were on that phone for hours and you wouldn't even talk to me. In fact, you wouldn't talk to me for a whole week.
A: I didn't have anything to say.
N: You wouldn't know me if I didn't force the conversation.
A: I'd like to not know you right now.
A: What are you "HA-ing!" about?
N: ...I have no idea!
A: You really are an idiot.
N: You'd like to think so, wouldn't you?
A: Nicky, shut up. You're only proving your stupidity.
N: You only call me names because you like me...
A: Excuse me?
N: You can't not give me attention.
N: I was here first!
A: No, you weren't!
N: I pay half the rent.
A: And I pay the other half.
N: (they are face to face, as if in a staring contest) So, it's my apartment.
A: You. Are. A. Moron. (Silence as they break. Andrea sits down in an overstuffed arm chair and Nick paces the room again.)
N: Oh my god... I don't know how I missed this. The hair, the clothes...
A: Okay, Nick, you've officially left the conversation. If you'd like to engage me in conversation, you have to talk in coherent sentences.
N: Your hair's always up, you never wear a dress, you haven't had a since...well... I can't remember when...
A: And my self esteem crashes and burns, thank you. Does your mumbling have a point?
N: You're a lesbian.
A: And you've just proved that you're an imbecile. What does my sexual preference have to do with anything?
N: Everything! It's why you hate me!
A: I hate you because you're an ass-- an inconsiderate jerk. And if you must know... my sexual orientation is none of your business.
N: You are a lesbian!
A: I am not!
N: Prove it, Andrea... (he pulls her out of her chair and dips her.) Prove it.
A: (slips out of his grasp and exits stage left) I refuse to play your childish games.
N: (jumps on the arm of the sofa and sits) You're still playing with me...
(Andrea throws her book at him from offstage-- it hits him in the shoulder or arm.)
N: Ow... (jumps off the sofa and exits stage left)
The second scene is 5 years later. Andrea and Nick are married, but on the edge of divorce. Andrea is sitting the table with the book "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen and a cup of tea. Nick enters from stage right and drops his coat on the sofa. He turns on the tv to the news and sits. Throughout the scene, he should be finding all the alcohol he had hidden earlier. At the end of this scene, Andrea pulls her wedding ring off, drops it on the ground, takes her suitcase and exits stage right (through the door, so to speak).
The third scene is about 1 year later. They have been separated since the last scene. Andrea enters from stage right, Nick is there on the couch already watching wrestling or something equally bizarre. At the end of this scene, Nick grabs Andrea's hand on the "you're still playing with me" and realizes that his accusation is actually correct. Andrea exits stage left to collect the rest of her stuff. Nick sits on the couch.
Music can be added...and different songs can be chosen. Actually, when Andrea tells him to "Keep thinking about it" in the last scene, she sits down and turns on the radio and the song that plays is "Mr. Telephone Man" by Dream. Nick turns the stereo off quickly.
The songs are up to the director but should reflect the mood of the scene. (scene 1: Love/crushes, scene 2: divorce/dead relationships, scene 3: lost/lost love) Also, this one plays best when played with other short one acts in between the scenes.